One word today:
HURT.
like i actually thought for once, there was this someone who would understand me and all. once again i am a fool for ever thinking that i was gonna be enough for anyone. i actually thought his love was genuine. But no. i forced myself to think that im inlove but the truth is, it hurts me to love someone so deep it bruises my ego.
CAI'S OFFLINE Message
Cai sent 28/6/2008 4:26 PM:
hi bri, again im sorry for not postin, its not because i dont want u to bother me, i just, this week, didnt know what to say. iv been feelin so sick over everything and half realised what uv realized, "how could this work"
Cai sent 28/6/2008 4:28 PM:
i still think of u every day and just wish ur happy all the time.i dont want to loose contact or anything but this really hurts.
Cai sent 28/6/2008 4:29 PM:
i do care about u and cant explain how much. we had such a great foundation building last year and ill never forget the first big bill i got on my phone by texting u, but it was soooooooo worth it.
Cai sent 28/6/2008 4:31 PM:
i mean come on we had some awesome times and i hope we still will, but .......damn lost words again.
Cai sent 28/6/2008 4:34 PM:
the truth is i do love u, and more than some trivial "teen" love but i also know our situation. you're such a nice, happy and alive person bri and i dont want to cancer your life at the moment, i dont want u to feel so restricted.
Cai sent 28/6/2008 4:35 PM:
i want u to breathe and have bags of fun with out silly old me draggin u down every 5 mins.
Cai sent 28/6/2008 4:36 PM:
let me know how u feel and ill speak to ya real soon. do take care, Love you XXXX
I seriously am lost now. like how!
im not a happy person Cai, i live my life on sins.
i am very emotional, im envious,im jealous,im possesive,im overprotective,im a bitch, i live on crying every moment when im lonely. im unpredictable. im unlovable.
NO ONE LOVES ME CAI! NO ONE! I HAVE TO STOP YOU BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY REGRET KNOWING ME FUTHER.
i feel such a fuck now. Im lost. i dont even know what love means. i thought dave would actually love me like how much my heart beats for him after so long of being love-less, but one mistake i made backfires.
Love is FUCK! its never true and it will never be.i dont know how to express my feelings today. but im definately hurt and bruised.Love is a bitch.i'll just have to love myself.lovebipolar.i hate myself now.
